Most have us have known that feeling when we’ve got a lot on our plates; challenging targets, multiple demands (often a combination of work and home) and tight deadlines.
Yet sometimes this just helps us focus; makes us resourceful, creative, efficient. We’re resilient in the face of pressure.
Sometimes it does the opposite. We feel stuck; as if we’re going to fail at something (possibly lots of things). The pressure overwhelms us.
The impact of Control, Choices and Competence – or lack of it
I held an interactive webinar for the Time to Think group on Facebook to find out what caused them stress and how they dealt with it. Reflecting on the experiences and wisdom, I asked myself what they all had in common.
This is when those three Cs seemed significant. Pressure is a form of stimulation, which we can use to help us, just as long as we think we have at least one (preferably two) of those elements.
I think that unconsciously we ask ourselves:
Do I feel as if I’m control?
Do I think I have choices?
Do I believe I have the skills to complete the multiple demands being thrown at me?
Notice the role of our emotions, thoughts and beliefs
Moyra Mackie helps leaders and teams to work with courage, compassion and creativity. She is an executive coach and consultant and the founder of Mackie Consulting.
This week my much beloved, but aging, Mini Cooper helped me to find a moment of true quiet and stillness by letting me down.
As I left my car to be repaired, I dreaded what I felt was a long walk into town. I was conscious of my laptop weighing heavily in my bag, alongside a feeling of uncertainty about spending a day working out of a coffee shop, unsure of how long or how expensive my wait would turn out to be.
I had so much to do, I hadn’t time to slow down
I resigned myself to a walk along a busy road, when I noticed that I could take a short cut along the canal. This was a bit better.
As I turned onto the canal tow path and headed away from the road I realised that even though I’d lived in this town for more than twenty years, I’d never walked along this stretch before.
I began to notice what a nice day it was
Crisply cold in the shade and unexpectedly warm in the puddles of sunlight. I was all by myself. I began to enjoy the sight of the tiny gardens of the cottages that backed onto the canal. A strong contrast to the blue metal industrial buildings on the other side.
The further I walked, the quieter it became, the less I noticed the weight of my laptop
Then I saw a tiny wooden bridge that led from the canal, over a stretch of water and onto a little lane that would take me into town. Thanks to a sign put up by the town council, I discovered that the water was “an artificial lake” that covered an area that used to be a thriving watercress field in Victorian times. Watercress was grown and transported all over England using canal transport or the newly built railway.
Still thinking about this – and how much the town had changed – I stepped onto the bridge. And stopped.
Moyra Mackie helps leaders and teams to work with courage, compassion and creativity. She is an executive coach and consultant and the founder of Mackie Consulting.
Beth had signed up for coaching because she was leading a transformation project fraught with politics and big egos. Despite her experience and the faith that had been placed in her, she was concerned that she would “drop some of these moving pieces.”
Like a lot of my clients she was afraid she might fail
Today that fear seemed close to the surface. When I asked her what she would like to think through in our session, she seemed startled.
“Well,” she said. “I guess I just want to talk it out loud…if that doesn’t seem too self-indulgent?”
But clients also bring their inner critics with them
I could hear her inner critic loud and clear.
“Self-indulgent?”
Beth told me that she felt that she should just get on with it. She was a master of planning; used to this stage…..etc….etc. And then she was off into the detail of the project.
She really did need to talk this one through.
And it was helpful for me to listen less to the deep content of what she was saying and more to the emotions that lay beneath the words. A pattern began to emerge:
Moyra Mackie helps leaders and teams to work with courage, compassion and creativity. She is an executive coach and consultant and the founder of Mackie Consulting.
My name is Moyra Mackie and I’m a recovering perfectionist.
Even though I know that perfect is not possible, I hear the siren call of perfectionism whenever I’m under pressure. This might be a tight deadline when I’m tempted to research one more fact or fine tune (again) the design of a slide deck or report. Or it might be when I’m facing a stressful situation like negotiating a contract, presenting to a large audience or going to a networking event.
The upside of attempting to be perfect is that I will prepare. Really, really well. The downside is that I will over-work or become paralysed by doubt and fear or hyper critical of myself and others.
Perfectionism is rightly described as a life-stealer
“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
Moyra Mackie helps leaders and teams to work with courage, compassion and creativity. She is an executive coach and consultant and the founder of Mackie Consulting.
